Friday, January 30, 2009

A Whole New Year

So far 2009 has been one crazy roller coaster of a ride. I have launched my own photo website, been sending out pleas for internships, began dating an amazing guy, seen an amazing black man become the President of the United States, seen papers shutting down left and right, been at extreme highs and lows emotionally, begun to start trying to embrace video, and so much more.

But I do fear.

I fear the future of photojournalism and that no matter how much I want this and how much I care about finding meaningful stories, it won't matter and no one will hire me when I graduate. My mentor and one of my best friends is going to lose his job because his paper is shutting down. He is the man, besides my own mother, who encouraged me to follow my passion for photography and now he is sad and wishes he had known the industry would be this way.

I fear I will not be able to graduate on time because I can't find a paid internship. I know I can do the work if someone would give me a chance. But people are on budgets. People have people covered already for those internships. People don't respond.

I fear that my little sis from Big Brothers Big Sisters is not going to have as lucky a life as I have been blessed with. Yes, some of my life is less than spectacular, but she is 7 and in such a different world than I could ever imagine. She asks me constantly if she can live with me instead of at home and would I take her in if her mom went to jail and her grandma died. How can I answer questions like that to a 7-year-old? I'm not even 21 yet! I hope I can at least make a difference and help get her out of this pattern of mayhem she has been living in. She is a truly amazing little girl and I adore her completely. 

I fear I will lose someone special. I fear I will lose friends when they leave college. I fear my grandmother's health will not keep up. I fear our house will never sell. I fear in general. 

But not all is fear. This isn't all a sad note.

I am joyful for the opportunities I have at school. I love that I am living with amazing friends and have a great guy (even though he is 4 hrs away) to enjoy my life with. I love calling my grammy to see how she is doing and talk about AS THE WORLD TURNS. I love when my brother calls me for homework help or just to stop by. I enjoy my mother calling me 25x a day to tell me tales of Brecksville and Broadview Heights drama. I am turning 21 this year and will be in Florida with my family, Melissa, and Shani and Bryan! How can I NOT be excited for that? I think that is actually getting me through winter. Speaking of winter... we had a SNOW DAY! AT OU! Believe me people, this is HUGE! It never happens. Minus the whole falling down and basically breaking myself on a daily basis, the snow is pretty. Just wish it wasn't so cold. AND I am working on a movie set! Yes, a real one! A student run one where I get credit for being a set photographer with another good friend of mine and we have a great time doing it, even though it is outside in the cold. The movie is based off of Russell Banks' book TRAILERPARK. You can check out our pictures on another blog.

So yes. It is a new year. 2009. Almost the end of a decade of 2000. How did that happen? Why do I still feel like 2001 was only two years ago? Where DID the time go? 

So, 2009. Bring it on. And make it good. Please.


1 comment:

Brittany said...

Cheer up love. Seriously, everything will be okay. The first internship is the hardest one to me! and no one can pick the exact internship that they want. it will be fine. if you stay positive it will be okay.

i love you.

p.s. even after graduation you will still be friends with those of us who leave!